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The use of boundaries have become so mainstream and normalised that it can sometimes be really hard to be discerning with them.
It can sometimes be hard to sense when people are using their boundaries to justify and normalise their hurtful and disconnecting behaviours.
Boundaries don't have to be a wall, they can be a nicely painted fence that you can see through, that teaches people about our own needs and priorities.
Whilst at the same time acknowledging them as a human being, just like you and I.
Building Better Boundaries - Starts with understanding that...
We don't set boundaries to upset or offend others, we do so to manage our needs and priorities that we have for our lives.
And this can be done kindly and unapologetically without feeling guilty, stressed or obligated.
If you are kind and clear in your communication, then you have done nothing wrong.
It is guilt and stress free for all involved, respect and love is not lost, but found.
Good Communication is the bridge between clarity and confusion. Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.
WHY Is It Essential to Have Boundaries?
It is essential to have personal boundaries and self awareness in order to maintain healthy, balanced relationships. Above all else the most important relationship you will ever hold is of course, the one with yourself.
This relationship sets the tone and standard for all relationships you have, and it plays a key role in your successes and the quality of life that you experience.
Since we are social beings, each of us requires important skills in the social environment for our survival and successes. This is where boundaries and self awareness come in.
When our success and happiness has a lot to do with connection, relating and communicating, then operating with clear boundaries are considered the ultimate life hack.
If we had clear, kind and aligned boundaries wouldn’t this provide more space and freedom for the things we really need to get done, without feeling bad for it, without holding onto the stress or guilt.
Personal Boundaries are important for two primary reasons
They set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated.
They help us manage our lives and priorities in a healthy, happy and successful manner.
We actually teach people how they can treat us and what we except, through what we allow and accept from others.
This is conveyed both verbally and non verbally, as it will more often be conveyed through unconscious communication, body language and behaviour.
It is said that upward of 90% of all of our communication is non verbal, so being clear consciously will truly support us.
WHAT Do Boundaries Allow?
Boundaries allow us to smoothly navigate our busy lives, and prioritise what we really need to get done, in alignment to what we value. This helps to ensure we are not wasting:
Time
Energy
Money
If we are clear, kind and honest about our needs, priorities and standards, then we have done nothing wrong. Boundaries can be seen as basic guidelines that people create to establish how others are able to behave around them and they convey your levels of:
Self Worth
Self Respect
5 Boundaries that we need.
There are types of boundaries that we need to understand, so we know what we are setting and why.
1) Emotional: These are boundaries around inappropriate topics, emotional dumping, and dismissing emotions.
eg. "This isn't a topic i'm willing to discuss"
2) Material: These are boundaries around possessions, when they can be used & how they are treated.
eg. "my car cannot be used on weekends"
3) Time/ Energy: These are boundaries around time, lateness, when to contact, favours and free labor. eg. "if you're going to be late, please text me to let me know" 4) Mental: These are boundaries for the freedom to have your own thoughts, beliefs, values and opinions. eg. "I respect that you disagree with my opinion, but don't force your own" 5) Physical: These are boundaries that can include proximity, touch, public display of affection, unwanted comments regarding appearance or sexuality eg. "I don't find comments like that funny"
In my practical program Building Better Boundaries I guide you to free up mental real estate, resolve the conflicting feelings of resistance (like anxiety, guilt) and learn how to effectively create, align and communicate healthy boundaries in a kind and clear manner.
You can find the course by clicking above.
My Promise: This course will radically up-level your self respect and ignite deeper self worth whilst being kind. This compassion for others will always be incomplete, if it does not include ourselves first.
My WHY behind the offering...
Boundaries are the ultimate life hack, they have changed my life, and i’d be honoured to pass on the wisdom, knowledge and skills to others.
Throughout the course I will share vulnerability and story, as a recovered people pleaser and a poster boy of codependency, in a hope to help boost your understanding and application of Boundaries.